Evening all, sorry I've been quiet. I haven't wanted to write anything because I've been really down. It is what it is.
Had a nervy b the other day and poor Kate got the brunt of it-some of it warranted mind! Nevermind, still love her.
I'm angry. Angry that I let people walk all over me and now I walk around feeling like a failure. Does that sound too dramatic? Meh. I'm unbothered. That's how I feel. Everyone calls me or texts me when they want something, I'm used to it. However, when they've had their fill, they're done.
I've realised I'm not the kind of person who calls folk and tells them how I feel. I get those calls but I don't do it to others. I don't know why. I feel like I'm not supposed to show how much I'm struggling? Rightly or wrongly, I just don't do it. I don't let the mask fall off.
Anyway, I don't have the patience or the heart to dredge up what other people have done or not done to me in some cases, so just know this. If the shoes fits, wear it walk in it. If you think you've used me in the past, you have.
Also- why is it that we take people back when they've shit on us!? I am not referring to myself so settle down! Just, I don't know why people settle for less then they deserve. I have done in the past. I would never now. Walking away is painful but holding on it much worse!
I won't name anyone but a dear friend of mine is in a situation. I worry for her. She knows this- however, I can't help her anymore. I need to cut it out. It does nothing for my mind. I have only have time for one thing at a time. Does that sound selfish?...
I'm currently eating ravioli and bread. Whats everyone having for their tea? It has to be better than this.
I'm tired and exhausted and just a bit fed up. Does anyone else get like that? I'm such a moan aren't I? Mind you, its good for the soul! So moan to me anytime- well some of you. I don't have time to listen to everyone haha!
Jokes aside, talk to someone. You are important. Not to everyone, but definitely to someone. Don't walk around like me, feeling less than or hopeless. Get it off your chest. Tell people to fuck off more, I wish I had of. Mind you, if I did, there wouldn't be anyone left!! I might start to though. Not today, maybe tomorrow...
Remember, you are enough.
Always,
Ash xo